Who knows a therapist?

Posted: May 17, 2025

Hey everybody! This is my 3rd post for Mental Health Awareness Month. In case you’re just joining the party, please go back and read the first few blogs. The last blog was posted on Mother’s Day with a focus on how we can re-imagine and manage our Mother – Daughter relationships. I received some really good feedback from ya’ll about that blog, so just know there is no way I’m going to leave fathers out. I’m already thinking about the upcoming Father’s Day blog post.

But back to right now, I have been thinking and talking a lot about Mental Health Awareness Month and shot out to my clients who are caring for themselves, supporting family and friends, and in their own way advocating for mental health. Over the years, and more recently, clients have been telling me how they talk to family and friends about their therapeutic experiences and how they continue to encourage loved ones to seek out therapy. Well, I thought why not have a conversation here about mental health therapists and the beginning of the therapeutic journey. Yes, it’s a journey, just ask anyone who has done the work or is currently doing the work.

During my first contact with a client or potential client I am asked some of the same questions and I often hear the comment, I don’t know what to ask. So let me help a little bit with the sometimes difficult task of finding the best therapist for yourself. (This is very different than asking your neighbor or friend about a good mechanic.) I said the best therapist for you because one of the major factors of having a successful therapeutic journey is having a good therapeutic relationship with your therapist. I don’t know how many times I have told people, “I can do my best work, you can do your best work, but if the therapeutic relationship is not a good fit, we are stifling the process and the progress.”

Things to consider before choosing a therapist:

Do you want to use insurance or private pay option?
What mental health services are covered by your insurance benefits?
Are there limits to mental health coverage, such as frequency of sessions, type of therapy, length of therapy?
What is your current financial responsibility, which includes co-insurance, deductible, copays and will your financial responsibility change?

You can obtain this information by contacting your insurance company. There’s nothing worse than finding a therapist you want to work with and finding out they don’t accept your insurance, or the financial responsibility is too much. I urge you to find out the answers to the questions above before you begin your search for a therapist.

Now that you have information about coverage, here are some questions to ask a potential therapist:

Do you accept my insurance? Please verify with your insurance company.
What payment methods do you accept? When are payments made?
Do you provide in-person or virtual sessions or both?
What are your practice policies related to scheduling/rescheduling, individual versus couple sessions, telehealth versus in person? Learn as much as you can about the operation of their practice. A therapist should easily be able to give you this information.
What do you expect from your clients?
What should I expect from you?
How will we know if progress is being made?
Will there be homework between sessions? (I am a homework queen! Sessions are practice; the time between sessions is game time)
What can you tell me about yourself that will help me decide if we should enter a therapeutic relationship? Just because you are talking to a therapist, it doesn’t mean you have to choose that therapist. Think about it like an interview.
What type of clients do you work with? Why do you think we would work well together? Why do you think you can help me? How do you think you can help me?
What does a session look like? What tools/skills do you use in sessions?
What do you enjoy about the work you do?
What do we do if I get stuck and I feel like nothing is working/nothing is improving?
How will we know when therapy should end?
How will we know if the therapeutic relationship is no longer a good fit?

I know these are a lot of questions and maybe you don’t get all of them answered during a consultation call or before you try a therapist, but you can continue to ask these questions in the first session and later sessions.

Now what happens if you choose a therapist and it doesn’t feel right? Please talk to your therapist about how you are feeling. It might be something that can be addressed and fixed. Addressed and fixed does not necessarily happen instantly and you might not have an instant connection with your therapist. I challenge you to try at least 3 sessions before calling it quits. Think about all the time you invested in finding this person, getting to know this person, and how much you have already shared. I recommend 3 sessions because the first couple of sessions are spent getting to know each other, learning about the logistics of therapy, and setting the direction for treatment. However, if a change needs to be made, please feel empowered to make it.

I would never suggest keeping a plumber or landscaper that’s not doing their job, so I surely would not recommend that you keep a professional who is responsible for helping you with your health (medical doctors included) who is not helping. Yes, we have the expertise, and you know yourself; it’s a team approach! I can’t stress enough how important it is to speak up for yourself – Use Your Voice.

Here are a few scenarios that warrant Using Your Voice:

1. Feel uncomfortable or offended by a comment, gesture, or behavior. Ask about it, it could be a misunderstanding, or it could be time to find a new therapist.

2. Not sure what you are working on, or you are not working on what you need. Do you know your goals?

3. Don’t understand the purpose of an activity or strategy

4. Feeling misunderstood or unheard

5. Distracted by the therapist’s behavior or the therapist seems distracted

As I’m typing this, I recognize that this is a lot, and it can be absolutely overwhelming to choose a therapist and start therapy but remember why you decided to start down this road. Some people will find “their therapist” on the first try and other people will need to “try out” a few for a good fit. I remember choosing my first therapist based on who was available at the time I needed…overall, it was a good experience. However, if I had done more research, I believe my experience would have been even better. I remember so clearly moments in sessions when I thought to myself, they don’t get it, and I promised myself that my next therapist would have certain qualities.

Everyone’s preferences or non-negotiables are not identical but here are some things to consider:

Male or female?
Seasoned (nice way to say old head) versus young or close to your age. (Can’t really ask age, but there are other ways to get an idea…)
Number of years of experience
Culture/race/ethnicity
Religious/spiritual beliefs
Does marital status matter? For many couples, they prefer a therapist who is married.
If you are going to therapy due to parental concerns, do you want to know if the therapist has experience working with children or have children of their own?

Every therapist may not be willing to answer all of these questions and that’s okay because you still have a choice. If knowing the answers to these questions are important and the therapist is not willing to share, then the therapist is probably not for you.

I’m going to stop here because I know this is a lot and I keep saying I know it’s a lot but think about therapy. You are considering entering a therapeutic relationship with someone who it will be vital to be honest and vulnerable with. You will share thoughts and feelings that maybe you do not want anyone else to know about. Problematic, unhealthy behaviors that keep you stuck will very, very likely be exposed. Painful childhood experiences and significant life events will be discussed. You have the expectation to grow and heal…doesn’t that warrant taking some time to choose the best possible person to join you on the journey? I would say yes without a doubt! Therapy is hard, that’s why we call it work, don’t make it harder by randomly choosing someone because you could be missing the therapist just right for you. It’s hard work and it’s just the beginning but Remember We Can Do Hard Things! Happy Therapist Hunting!

Let me know if this was helpful and if we need a Part Two. Share your thoughts, comments, and questions by going to the Contact Me tab. Until Next Time, Be Intentional and Take Care! Darsha D!