SELF-CARE, what is it really and what's the big deal?

It's the last week of Mental Health Awareness month and I couldn’t let the month end without talking about self-care. Basically, self-care is taking action to maintain or improve your well-being and health. We need to be intentional about engaging in self-care consistently and proactively. When you engage in self-care you are practicing self-love, and nobody can love you more than your healthy self!

Self-care is not meant to solve all the problems. It is meant to be a reprieve. A pause. Having a moment to collect yourself can help you deal with the problems better because you are in a better mental and physical space.

I tell clients all the time we don’t want to wait until things are crashing and burning to engage in self-care. Every day we can engage in self-care. I already know somebody is reading this and saying, “I don’t have time for self-care every day.” Well, there’s two problems with that statement. First, self-care is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. Think about self-care as a buffer, a reserve. If we have consistently engaged in self-care, we have created a buffer for when an unpleasant event occurs. We are already in a good space (or neutral space) because we have proactively been engaging in self-care, so we don’t crash and burn from the event. That doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult to handle, we are just more equipped. Also, we don’t want our well-being buckets to become empty. If our buckets are empty, then the event can affect us much worse. So, we should put drops of self-care in the bucket every day. That’s creating a reserve. Our reserve might include patience, self-assurance, compassion, endurance, perspective, calmness, and the list goes on. You see how our reserve can be helpful when an event hits?

Secondly, engaging in self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate. We are often fooled by the myths of self-care. Please don’t be fooled, because it will keep you from engaging in self-care.

Self-Care Myths:

• It's expensive
• Time consuming
• Must take place in a secluded area
• Done in isolation
• Self-indulgent
• It's selfish
• Only needed when we are stressed or feel bad

Commercials would have you think it is necessary to go to an expensive spa or a retreat to engage in self-care. Don’t get me wrong, if that’s what you want to do, that’s great, but please don’t wait until you get to the spa or retreat to engage in self-care. In between visits think about ways to recreate those moments. Maybe, it’s a daily skin care routine, an extended bath, or lighting scented candles to unwind from the day. Self-care activities can be completely free. Two of my favorite free self-care activities are sitting on my porch and walking in my neighborhood.

Remember I strongly recommend engaging in self-care every day. I have a busy schedule just like everyone else, so I understand it takes some creativity to engage in self-care daily. How about spending time with your pet, reading, or just sitting quietly in your favorite place in your home? Think about decompressing, quieting your mind, and readying yourself for sleep or the next task.

For my folks with families and extroverts out there, self-care doesn’t have to be done in isolation. Maybe you have a whole family and it’s hard to have time alone every day. You can take the family out for a walk or play a board game. Maybe your self-care involves getting on a call with a couple of friends and chatting about anything and everything. Your self-care should match your personality, and it should be enjoyable to you. I do not enjoy yoga, so I would not choose yoga as a self-care activity. It is great self-care for other people, just not me. We want to make sure engaging in self-care is not just another check box activity. If your self-care activity is overwhelming or you are dreading it, then you have chosen the wrong activity.

Self-care is selfish, yeah right! FALSE! If you don't take care of yourself emotionally and physically, how will you be able to take care of all your responsibilities, your family? This is no different than the message provided on airplanes. You are supposed to put on the oxygen mask first, so you are able to help the other people in your care. No oxygen, you pass out and you can’t help anyone. If I do not engage in self-care for my emotional and physical well-being, I can’t do my best work as a therapist and as a result my clients will suffer. If I don’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of my family. And NO ONE can take care of my family the way I can.

We have to be intentional and make self-care a priority. It is easy to push it to the side when life becomes busy, but remember, it’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity. Just like you put important meetings, doctor appointments, and dates on your calendar, I challenge you to put self-care on your calendar and make it a non-negotiable. Make sure you are realistic. My busiest days are usually Wednesdays and Thursdays, so I do not schedule a 90-minute walk followed by a 2-hour lunch with a friend on those days. Typically, my self-care on those days includes a little reading or journaling before bed. Additionally, think about when you are scheduling your self-care. Maybe your self-care needs to occur before the workday gets started or before the family wakes up.

People tell me all the time that their self-care is doing nothing. I always ask them do they actually relax when they’re doing nothing or are they ruminating and worrying. Then other people tell me I just watch TV, and I ask do you feel refreshed after watching TV or have you just been distracted and zoned out. There is a difference between distracting and rejuvenating oneself. Take time to think about activities you engage in and how you feel during and after them. During a walk in my neighborhood, I’m enjoying the sun on my skin and I’m appreciating nature and practicing gratitude. After the walk, I feel refreshed and strong, and the walk feels purposeful. Do you feel revitalized after self-care activities? If so, keep doing them, if not, scrap them and explore new activities.

Self-care made easy. Make a list of activities that rejuvenate you and improve your physical and emotional well-being and health. Be specific. The list can include activities that can be done alone and with other people, in a short amount of time and an extended amount of time, and inside your home and outside. You can always make changes to the list. It’s important to have a list so when it’s time for your self-care you don’t have to waste time figuring out what you are going to do. Another way to make it easy is to create a calendar of self-care activities.

Self-Care Calendar

No matter how you choose to engage in self-care, please be intentional and consistent. You only benefit from engaging in self-care. It might be hard to start a routine or to be consistent but remember We Can Do Hard Things. Until Next Time, Take Care, Darsha D!