Relationships & The Holiday Season
I can't believe it's December! Soon a lot of people will begin to make New Year's resolutions, create vision boards, buy 2026 planners, and set intentions. I love that people reflect and set goals for their lives. Why wait? We can work on aligning our behaviors with our goals and being intentional all year round. There will be blogs written about this in the future but back to December and the holiday season. I hope everyone has been enjoying the holiday season and using strategies to help navigate the season. I cannot let the holiday season go on without writing about relationships.
There are many changes that can make navigating relationships during the holiday season challenging.
* Merging families and different traditions and rituals due to a recent marriage.
* First holiday season, being divorced or separated.
* Empty nesters celebrating the season for the first time since children have left home.
* Recent relocation or a new job that makes it hard to travel or take time off to spend with loved ones.
* Death of a loved one that makes the holiday season seem uncertain at best. (Check out my blog, Grief in this season, 10/27/25)
While all the above circumstances are different, they all require some change and learning how to create a new normal. The new normal might not be completely different, or it might be almost unrecognizable. Either way, it’s okay. The new normal might evolve over time. Just make sure you do what is best for you and manage your expectations.
Now these Holiday Relationships, that exist only because of the holiday season, can have different purposes. The relationship might be created to spend time together to prevent loneliness, be a plus one at holiday events, or avoid questions about being single. Whatever the reason, please manage expectations and avoid assumptions. (For more tips on managing expectations and avoiding assumptions during the holiday season read the blog posted on November 13, 2025)
Some Holiday Relationships tend to be created because of the nostalgia of the holiday season. Advertisements, movies, and music are some things that trigger the nostalgic feeling. Many times, the relationships portrayed are romanticized. IN SHORT UNREALISTIC. Either people are falling madly in love after two days and making huge life decisions or there is a ridiculous conflict due to a minor misunderstanding which could have been resolved by a conversation. Nobody’s life perfectly mirrors the life in Christmas movies. And this is exactly why expectations need to be managed, and assumptions avoided in real life Holiday Relationships.
Now don’t get me wrong, I told ya’ll I love Christmas movies!!!
I have always said I want people to enjoy the holidays, so I am not trying to persuade anyone from engaging in Holiday Relationships. I’m just trying to keep some people from getting hurt and boundaries and communication can help.
HERE ARE SOME TIPS:
Communicate Expectations:
I expect interactions to be reciprocal. No double standards.
I expect to have a conversation if plans change.
I expect honesty related to this relationship.
Communicate Boundaries:
I will not attend any family events.
I will only invite you to work holiday events.
I will not purchase you a holiday gift.
What are your boundaries and expectations? I know these expectations and boundaries might be difficult to say or hear, but they help avoid assumptions and hurt feelings. Set your boundaries and maintain them and communicate them frequently if necessary.
Imagine these scenarios:
Holiday Relationship #1
They have attended all the holiday work events together at both their companies. They’ve enjoyed dates alone. They’ve helped each other decorate their homes. Now a friend’s Annual New Year’s Eve Party is approaching.
Problems: One person is looking forward to attending the party, and the other person does not want them to attend and has no intention of inviting them. Assumptions were made about the invitation and maybe hurt feelings will occur. No communication about expectations or boundaries.
Holiday Relationship #2
They have been out together multiple weekends shopping for holiday gifts for family, watching Christmas movies at each other’s homes, and they attended a couple’s only holiday gathering. Now it’s Christmas Eve.
Problems: One person is expecting to spend the day together and exchange gifts. The other person only spends Christmas Eve with their family and only buys gifts for the children in their family. No communication about the gift boundary or spending the day with family only. Expectations about spending the day together and exchanging gifts were never communicated. Assumptions were made.
Holiday Relationship #3
They have done everything imaginable together and they assisted with preparation for a family wedding. Now it’s the weekend before the wedding.
Problems: One person expects to attend the wedding despite not receiving an invitation. The other person assumes they know they aren’t invited because they have been privy to conversations about the wedding being an intimate, family-only wedding. Expectations and boundaries weren’t communicated, and assumptions occurred and likely some conflict and hurt feelings.
Holiday Relationship #4
The Holiday Relationship begins in late October.
Problems: One person entered the relationship with the intent for it to end after the holiday season. The other person has no idea they’re in a Holiday Relationship. Soooo, many issues… MAINLY LACK OF HONESTY. Sidenote: if you want people to be honest with you, then you should be willing to be honest. A good guiding life principle – give what you want in return.
Golden Nugget Moment: If someone communicates what they want and don’t want, it behooves you to listen and take note. If someone tells you they only want a Holiday Relationship, please do not ignore their words. This is a sure way to get your feelings hurt after the holidays.
I hope it’s clear about how communicating about boundaries and expectations can help eliminate assumptions and potentially hurt feelings. Please don’t set yourself up for failure by assuming. Communicate your expectations and boundaries. You have a choice. You can agree with the boundaries and expectations and move forward in the Holiday Relationship or you can decide that you don’t like the boundaries and are unwilling to meet the expectations and move on.
Listen, I’m not trying to dampen the holiday spirit, I just want people to enjoy the holidays with the relationships they want. Be honest with yourself. Can you handle a Holiday Relationship? If not, be honest with the person and walk away now. I know these conversations sound hard and this is a way to Take Care of yourself. Remember WE CAN DO HARD THINGS! It’s better to know so you can make an informed decision that suits you and your overall well-being.
Maybe you decide it's best for you to remain single right now. Good for you, making a decision that’s best for you. You can enjoy the season without a romantic relationship. You do not have to wait to be in a relationship to enjoy the holiday season. Please don’t allow anyone or anything to change your mind. Maybe your focus this season is on friends and family. Whatever you decide please enjoy the season. Have fun, maybe try something new. Be your own priority!
Please don’t forget to check out my YouTube Channel. Here's the latest video:
www.youtube.com/@darshadclarktherapist
Until Next Time Take Care,
Darsha D!